And in our down-time...Trevor Goes to the Forest

It has been a fortnight since we last communicated. We tried to send photos by messenger pigeon, but alas, they are extinct. We have since discovered gold, or have we? The living are still in good health. We have resorted to rationing our cabbage as we do not have the preservation tools to dig up fossils. Trevor has caught gangrene, and we were forced to chop off his left foot. In a fit of rage, he also cut off his right ear-- we think for balance. we however, are unsure of the purpose. He now speaks in tongues. We are sure he is in the forest. Katie Sauer's hair has grown to twice the length of Rapunzel's in a matter of hours because she has offended the sensibilities of the fragile Pastor Luther. (Side note: Pastor Luther is in to voodoo). Sedona continues to destroy whatever she touches. We don't let her touch us. Unfortunately, Catie was touched by Sedona and has since begun destroying things herself. There are several pieces of the moldy car that are missing. Scott fell into the river and was eaten by piranhas. Fortunately we have kept his head alive in a jar. The jar is missing. We think Trevor took it with him into the forest. Mitch, owing to his fascination with vampires, has become one. He is slightly more allergic to garlic. His tan has not improved. Sharayah has found true love in a pygmy named Milo. He has two glass eyes. Though they don't speak the same language, they find common ground in table tennis and a hatred of feet. Maria has realized a passion for wrestling crocodiles. Stefan was adopted by a family of wolves. The last time we saw him, he was on a spit being prepared for a barbecue. He looked tender. Caroline lost all her teeth in a freak gasoline fighting accident. Surprisingly she was not burned, but unfortunately she has the black lung. Joan ran off with a herd of giraffes. We are not sure if she mistaken them for people, or if they mistaken her for a giraffe. After inhaling copious amounts of Sharpie fumes from making stainglass windows, Elias has gone mad and started to see things. He is modeling for local artists.
Written by Scott's head in a jar.